Joys of Autism: Character Embodiment

I have been looking through the archives of Temporary Insanity, revisiting the past and trying to determine a direction for the blog in the future.  I have noticed that the vast majority of posts with the label autism tend to be more on the negative side.  They speak of the challenges and unique difficulties in parenting a child with autism.  And while I wholeheartedly believe in being real and true to what I am thinking and feeling, I realize that there is a whole other side of autism that has been neglected completely on Temporary Insanity.  Yes, despite the struggles and tears, there are many beautiful things that autism has brought to our lives as well.  I call them "the joys of autism", and quite honestly, I would never get to experience these amazing blessings if I didn't have an autistic child.  Those of you that don't have any experience or contact with a child on the spectrum, please listen!  These joys of autism that I plan to share over the next several weeks will hopefully be insightful into the wonders of parenting our Beast.  And for those of you that have been as blessed as we are with a special needs child, take heart!  Use these posts to encourage yourself and remind yourself of the good things, especially on those days that can suck the life out of you.

Today, the Beast is David.  Yes, I know that's his name, but he really thinks that he is the David of the Bible today.  At breakfast, he regaled me with the tale of how he killed the giant Goliath.  He spent a lot of time on all the gory details, making sure that he mentioned as many times as possible that he was the hero of this story.  He likes to be the hero.  It gives him a sense of control in a body that doesn't always do what he wants.  People watching him retell the story would see only a boy awkwardly moving around, but in his head, he is David, and he is awesome!  In his mind, he executes every military movement flawlessly.  In his world, nothing is impossible!

I call this joy of autism "character embodiment."  Most days, my son is "not himself."  Just yesterday, he was Anakin Skywalker (before he became Darth Vader, of course), and last week, he was a ninja warrior.  Most kids love to dress up and pretend to be various favorite characters.  But David lives his characters.  His entire day revolves around what that character would do and how that character would act. He sinks completely into his role and does not come up for air for days, sometimes weeks, even.

Character embodiment is a joy of autism.  It is a window into his thoughts and feelings.  He may not tell me he loves me very often, but David the soccer star might give me an awkward punch on the arm and inform me that I'm his favorite teammate.  I'll take that!  And the tales he weaves like a master storyteller entertain me to no end and make my heart smile.  It's just a bonus that I can easily convince him that Anakin did indeed need a lot of sleep and would absolutely go to bed right now.

On the days that our Beast is withdrawn, quiet, and somewhere far away in a world of his own, I pray for David the warrior or David the ninja to make an appearance.  When one of his characters shows up, I know we haven't lost him completely.

And hey, who needs cable when you've got a David/Anakin/Spiderman/ninja/soccer star to entertain you?

Life Will Never Be Normal Again

There are some rare days that I forget that I have a child with autism.  Things go well; communication with my little man is clear, and life is "normal."  On those days, my stress level goes way down; and I even catch myself occasionally fantasizing that this could be the norm for us.  Maybe he could "improve" this much on a daily basis, making life easier both physically and emotionally for us all.

Most days, there are constant reminders of the differences between the Beast and his siblings.  I may instruct the children to pick up their toys off the living room floor and put them away.  My 6-year-old and 4-year-old can do this with little reminder or trouble; but with the Beast (he's five), I must constantly remind him of the task at hand.  As in, "Davey, please pick up the toys.  Here, pick up this blue car.  Look at my face, baby, so I know you're paying attention.  What are we doing again?  No, you may not put your Spiderman costume on right now.  Focus, David.  Pick up the blue car.  Good job!  No, no, no, don't put it back on the floor!  Pick it up and put it in the toy box.  Baby, do you hear me?  You need to pick up that blue car and put it away.  Okay, fine, grab the red car.  But put it in the toy box. "  This ordeal can last forever, or at least until the Drama Queen gets tired of it and does the majority of the clean-up herself.  And then there are the changes in schedule that throw him off and require detailed explanations that never seem to be enough.  And don't even get me started on the emotional outbursts...

And every once in a while, we have a day in which I am reminded all too well of this world of autism and the inability to escape from it.  Sunday was one such day.  He woke up giggling and talking to himself, which I will admit is very cute but not at all conducive to eating breakfast and getting ready for church.  By church time, he had started sinking further and further into his own little world, making communication very difficult.  The day continued with all kinds of fun activities, including spinning on the floor, kicking me repeatedly, talking very loudly off-topic, and torrents of tears at the most inane things.  At the church's Thanksgiving fellowship dinner that evening, he was so overstimulated and who-knows-what-else that I had to physically restrain him at the table.  I have bruises on my legs from his kicking and stimming.  By bedtime, he and I were both exhausted.  I made sure to follow through on a normal bedtime routine, but the boy was too wound up to sleep.  He kept getting up out of bed and walking around the house, muttering to himself.  A few times, he came to me and began talking to me earnestly.  I had no idea what he was talking about.  He finally fell asleep sometime after midnight. 

It's on this kind of day that I worry.  I think that it seems so much worse than when he was first diagnosed.  Is it possible that he is regressing, I wonder?  I think then that perhaps we are not doing enough for him.  Maybe we need to pursue therapy again.  Maybe there are more things we should be doing with him.  Maybe I am not structured enough for him.  Maybe I need to orchestrate more social activities for him. 

Maybe, just maybe, I worry too much.  But it's hard sometimes - I get choked up just thinking about some of the challenges he will face as he gets older.  The stimming and the emotional outbursts were not as noticeable when he was three - in fact, he mostly blended in with all the other three-year-olds that were still figuring out what was socially acceptable behavior.  Now, at age five, we get more than just raised eyebrows at the "tantrums" and repetitive, loud talking.  A few weeks ago, one of his peers came up to me and asked me why he was being so weird.  What will it be like for him in a few more years?

It's hard not to dwell on these things sometimes, especially after a day like that.  Those are the nights I cling to the comforting words in Matthew 6.  Taking my thoughts off tomorrow and focusing on seeking after Him always boost my spirits and my optimism for the future.

And today?  I was folding some laundry when suddenly the Beast was standing next to me.  He reached out and hugged me tightly.  "Hugs mean 'I love you'," he told me importantly.  I squeezed him close, blinking back tears. "I love you too, buddy."

Farewell, Blended Class

http://youtu.be/cvfBZoqlqgo
Wednesday marked a significant milestone for us.  The Beast graduated from Blended Preschool!  The previous year he had been in an all-special-needs preschool class with excellent teachers who helped him make so much progress.  This year, we were again blessed with great teachers that assisted him in making the switch to a blended class (some "normal," some like him).  In two years, our little man has really grown and made so many improvements.

Every day is a challenge with that young man.  Just when I think I have him "figured out," he goes and proves me wrong.  He is notoriously a bad sleeper - so when he took a long time to fall asleep last night, I didn't worry too much about it.  I knew he would probably sleep in and give his body the rest it needed, as he always did.  Not so - at 5:00 am there was a pounding on our bedroom door.  "Mo-om!  Da-ad!  It's time to be up!  The sun is out!"  An eager Beast bounced into our room and let the world know he was awake.  Yay.  No amount of persuasion got him back in bed, in case you're wondering.

Along with the challenges come blessings too.  The depth of love from that boy is incredible.  He is an amazing storyteller.  His connection with his siblings is unmatched.  He has a zest for life that inspires all of us.

God knew.  He designed our Beast especially for us.  He planned that we would face these challenges and difficulties that come with autism, knowing that there is a greater plan behind it all.  I don't know why God chose to give us the Beast.  I don't know why He thought us qualified to "handle" a special-needs kid.  I do believe God has a reason for this amazing young man in our lives, and to be honest, I'm pretty excited to see what God has planned for his future! 

Happy Graduation, buddy!

It's Not the Vaccines' Fault

My son is autistic.  We've known that officially since he was about three years old, but I think I've always known that something was just a little bit different about my boy.  He was a quiet but happy baby - never any trouble but even then, he always seemed a little distant, as if he often chose to hang out in another world.  I thought of him then as a wise little man that had a few quirks here and there.  It wasn't until he got older and I saw him amongst his peers that the differences started to stand out and the evidence started to add up.  Those observations and subsequent frustrations eventually led us on the path that would ultimately determine the autism diagnosis. 
When people find out that the Beast is autistic, the responses are varied, but the two most common responses are these:  "But he seems so normal" and "Oh, that's from vaccines, isn't it?"  The vaccine comment always gets under my skin.  Well-meaning as they might be, I always feel as if it is a personal attack on my parenting.  As in, "Oh, you took your child to get vaccinated and now he's autistic.  It's your fault that he's this way - he probably would be completely normal if you had skipped the vaccines or at least spaced them out more." 

My son has been autistic since birth and will be for the rest of his life.  Oh, with therapy and help, he will make definite improvements in areas such as social interactions, physical interactions, and general sensory behavior, but he will never be "cured."  With the knowledge and experience I have now, I can look back and see signs of his autism even in early infanthood.  My son's autism was NOT caused by his vaccines.  He did have every vaccine on schedule as suggested by his pediatrician, but I did the research and decided that it was not worth the risks of deadly or injurious diseases to skip the vaccines. 

There is a large group of autism parents out there that have what they call "vaccine-injured" children.  They maintain that if it hadn't been for a specific vaccine, or perhaps the number of vaccines given their child in one office visit, their child would be not be on the autism spectrum today.  Most notably, the celebrity Jenny McCarthy has perpetuated this school of thought and rallied thousands of parents against vaccines.  Due to her activism, people who don't even know anything at all about autism will quickly spout off a comment on how autism is caused by vaccines. McCarthy and other vaccine-opposers quoted the research findings of one Dr. Andrew Wakefield, who used twelve different families in a study in 1998 to "prove" that in all cases, vaccines had been the cause of autism.  Last year, another research study discovered that Wakefield had altered the medical histories of the case studies and reshaped the facts to support his claims that vaccines caused autism.  He was a fraud, and his research study no longer can hold any merit.  Still, it took over a decade to find out the data had been falsified, and during that time, hundreds of parents used that misinformation to make the decision to decline all vaccinations for their children. Since then, diseases which had mostly been eradicated in the US and Great Britain (where Wakefield's study took place) have made a reappearance.  Here in the Northwest, where it is even more common to forego vaccinations, many cases of severe measles and whooping cough have been recently reported.

I am not trying to convince you that you should vaccinate your children, although that is what we have chosen to do with our four littles.  That decision was made with much careful research and prayer, and it continues to be the right decision for us.  I personally know people whose children have not been vaccinated, but I  know that they also made that decision carefully, researching all the risks and benefits.  Other people choose to vaccinate on a delayed schedule so that they have a little more control over the what and when. 

No, I am just saying that don't assume that those vaccines are the culprits behind autism.  And even more importantly, don't make your decision on whether to vaccinate or not based on that assumption. 

Don't be a Jenny McCarthy follower.  And while you're at it, visit JennyMcCarthyBodyCount.com.  I think you'll be surprised and even a little shocked at what you find there. 

Easy Breakfast: Happy Toast

 My Beast does not like cereal - he won't touch the stuff.  I've tried multiple varieties to entice him, but he's not taking the bait.  So much for simple breakfast.  However, that boy does love him some toast!  I often make him Egg-In-A-Hole to make his toast a little more nutritious and satisfying.  He calls it his happy toast. :)

It's incredibly easy to make.  You just need a good sturdy piece of bread (pictured is a slice of homemade honey wheat bread), an egg, and some butter.
How to Make Happy Toast:
1.  Melt some butter in a skillet over medium high heat (or on a griddle).
2.  Cut a shape out of the center of your bread slice with a small cookie cutter or drink glass.
3.  Place the bread slice on the melted butter in the skillet.
4.  Traditionally, Egg-In-A-Hole is made by cracking an egg directly into the hole in the bread.  My Beast likes scrambled eggs better; so I whisk up the egg first and then pour it into the hole.
5.  Hold bread in place with a spatula while egg cooks.  (You don't want the egg to run out all over the skillet!)
6.  When egg is mostly cooked, flip bread over to finish cooking the egg.
7.  Serve it up to your kiddo and look for a delighted smile at the fun shape in his toast.  This will confirm that you have just made. . .

HAPPY TOAST!   Here's to a wonderful Tuesday to all you readers out there!

Reminder Walls

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a very stressful day.  The Spud was pushing every boundary and being pretty obnoxious.  Simple chores were taking three times as long as usual to complete as the Drama Queen sighed and groaned her way through homeschool that morning.  The Beast had already been disciplined twice that day for getting into things he shouldn't have.  Then, right before I packed up all the kids and their stuff to take them to Grandma's for the night (oh glorious day!) I went downstairs and discovered this masterpiece spanning the entire wall in the kids' room.  I turned and saw that the same artist had drawn on every door, every cabinet, the toilet, the shower, the laundry room furniture, and every wall in between. 

I freaked out.  I said a lot of angry words, demanded to know where the instrument of destruction was, was annoyed that yet another thing had disrupted my day.  I looked at the magnitude of the mess, thought of the fact that we rent, not own this place, and panicked.  When the Beast confessed that he had been the one wielding the marker, I lit into him, reminding him that this was not our house and that we take care of things in the house and that this was going to take forever to clean up.  He found the marker for me, and to my great relief, I saw that it was a dry-erase marker and not a
Sharpie, as I had originally thought.  I muttered loudly to myself that "this was the last straw" and "you better feel grateful that I'm still letting you go to Grandma's today." 

Later on, I got out a bucket of soapy water and a sponge and started scrubbing.  It quickly became apparent that although the marker was not permanent, it was going to take a lot of time and elbow grease to clean it up.  I spent a good two hours on it, making little headway down the wall.  I worked on it the next day and tried to have the kids help me.  Now, two weeks later, there are still marks on the wall.  Although they are faded, they are certainly still visible, reminders of what transpired that day, reminders that a mom lost control and said angry and hurtful things.

It's been two weeks, but those words have not been erased or forgotten.  Yes, they have faded somewhat in the midst of the "I love you"s and the bedtime stories and the hugs and the kisses.  Still, the thoughtless words and negative reactions have left an indelible print in my child.  The faded marks on the wall stand as a solemn reminder of how much influence my words have on my children.

I still haven't figured out how to get it all off the wall.  Even my "magic eraser" has failed me this time.  Most likely we will have to paint over it.  In like fashion, I have had to "paint over" my lack of kindness and self-control with the Beast by asking his forgiveness and asking God to forgive me as well.  Colossians 4:6 tells me to "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."

I am not a perfect mom and never will be.  But I can tell you this - those marked-up walls have served as an admonition to me to watch my words and my attitude as I work with my children every day. 

Makes Me Sick

No doubt many of you have heard of the heart-wrenching tale of Stuart Chaifetz, his autistic ten-year-old son Akian, and the bullying Akian endured at his school.  If you are not familiar with the story, here's a brief recap.  Akian had always been a quiet, sweet, easy-going kid until this past school year.  Not long after school started, Stuart started getting calls and notes from the school that Akian had been acting violently in class, hitting teachers and screaming with rage.  This was so unlike Akian that Stuart arranged for several meetings with the teacher in the class as well as the principal and specialists to help try to figure out how they could help Akian.  Nothing seemed to work, and Stuart felt frustrated that his once-happy kid was struggling so much.  He realized that something at school was really setting off his son and decided to send Akian to school with a hidden wire to record everything that happened that day.  When Akian got home from school that day, Stuart listened to the recordings and was sickened and angered by what he heard.  The main teacher and her aides in this all-autistic class told Akian to "shut up" and called him names.  They threatened him when he talked to himself (a very normal activity for an autistic child) and discussed very inappropriate topics in front of the students in the classroom.  The teacher even admitted to her aides that she had drunk a lot of wine the night before, and that "the wine was teaching the class today." These teachers took full advantage of their situation - a class of children that could not express to their parents what went on in their classroom.  What made it worse was the fact that these specially-trained teachers were supposed to protect these kids from other kids teasing and bullying, when in fact they were doing the bullying themselves.  Stuart submitted his recordings to the NJ school district, who after reviewing the evidence, fired one of the aides and moved the main teacher to another class.  Upset that a teacher who had treated his son so badly was still allowed to teach, Stuart Chaifetz made this video to spread the word and help alert other parents that this teacher was still teaching in the district. 

The Nerd sent me the link to this video last week as he commuted to work on the bus.  The contents of the video made me physically ill;  the Nerd later told me that he had no ability to focus in his first two meetings of the day after watching the video.  It bothered me so much that I couldn't stop thinking about these teachers who were entrusted with the care of autistic children - teachers that abused the children with their words and actions.  It made me angry and sad that kids who have a hard enough time being heard and understood were being taken advantage of in such a way by adults who should have known better.  It felt personal, because I knew the same situation in theory could have happened to my Beast.  Although he has better vocabulary skills than many autistic children, he never tells me about what happened at school.  Never.  His teacher gives me a list of things that they did in class to use as a conversation-starter with him.  If it were not for that piece of paper, I literally would have no idea what went on in his classroom that day. 

We recently made the hard decision to homeschool the Beast this upcoming school year.  Watching this video only confirmed this decision for me.  I am not generalizing this horrific behavior to all special ed teachers, as we have been most blessed by some amazing teachers and therapists for our Beast.  Still, you want to protect your children all that you can.  Sometimes, that means taking an alternative road to what others are doing or what the experts tell you you should be doing.  And sometimes, it means spreading the word so that parents will be alert and involved enough in their child's schooling to prevent this kind of thing from happening again.

Best Sandwich Bread Ever

As I have mentioned in previous posts, we recently changed our whole family over to the Feingold Elimination Diet, a food and lifestyle plan that has helped hundreds of kids with ADD, autism, and other issues.  Before we started this diet, the Beast was having daily meltdowns, longer periods of regression, extreme lack of focus, and bouts of anxiety that would keep him awake at night.  Those were primarily the reasons I started researching for a way that we could help him naturally.

The Feingold Diet is a pretty radical change from the way we were eating and living.  We purchased the member plan for a year, which gave us access to a 300-page book of what brands and foods and beauty products were acceptable on the plan.  It also gave us a lot of helpful tips on how to get started, with a compendium of recipes to use as well as breakfast, lunch, and snack ideas.  Obviously I have neither the room (nor the permission !) to share all of that information here; but here's a very basic overview of our new way of life.

The Feingold Diet eliminates all artificial food colors, all artificial flavors, most preservatives, all synthetic sweeteners, and natural salicylates.  Many autistic children have a sensitivity to one or more of the salicylic foods, which include apples, oranges, berries, grapes, peppers, tomatoes, and other natural foods;  so these natural salicylates are removed for 6 to 8 weeks and then are gradually reintroduced to the child one at a time to test for toleration. Also, toiletries and laundry detergent have to be color-free and fragrance-free.  As you can imagine, meal planning has been quite interesting!  I am able to purchase bread, but the brands and types allowed on the diet are quite expensive and not really feasible for a family that loves sandwiches for lunch!  

So I've been making my own bread and experimenting with several recipes to get just the "right" sandwich bread.  I think I've found a winner!

 This yummy white sandwich bread is made using King Arthur Flour's recipe here.  It is (literally!) the easiest bread recipe I have ever made.  You just put all the ingredients in your bowl in the order listed in the recipe, mix and knead, let it rise, transfer it to a loaf pan, let it rise again, and bake.

Here we got a little too eager and cut into the bread before it was cool enough.  I have no regrets. :)  The recipe makes a nice soft sandwich bread that is still sturdy enough to hold tuna salad or egg salad.  I am thinking that for the most part, this is going to be my go-to recipe for bread.
I am also working on finding or creating recipes that fit in our new diet and are kid-friendly (no easy task when you don't have tomato sauce to work with).  I am hoping to share many of these in the blog in the upcoming weeks to be a help to others who may also be on the diet or at least considering it.
Oh, and are you wondering if we've seen any results?  Two days after we started it, the Beast calmly and quietly stayed at the dinner table throughout the entire meal.  This has NEVER happened before.  I have also seen him now able to control himself better and able to calm himself down without help!  We are so amazed at the change.
I should have waited until the end of writing this post to add the pictures.  I am so hungry for a piece of that bread now!  I think I'll go warm up a slice and slather it with some butter...

A Few More Piratey Things

I neglected to mention a couple of things in yesterday's pirate party post. First, how could I have forgotten to include a picture of the cutest pirate at the party?

 She of course loved the attention.  Saucy little swashbuckler!

 And the invitations!  I drew treasure maps per the Beast's request and made copies.  We stained them with tea bags, and unhappy with the not-very-antiqued results, we crumpled them up and dabbed them with brown paint.  Finally, I burned the edges with a lighter, which was my little pyro's favorite part.

We rolled them up, tied them with string, and delivered them to some very excited classmates.  And now you know the rest of the story...

How to Have a Pirate Party - ASD style

It is our family tradition to have a big birthday party every other year.  It works out nicely for us - this year the Beast and Little Sprout will have birthday parties, and next year the Drama Queen and the Spud will have their birthday parties, and so on.  The Beast chose pirates as the theme for his party and was extremely excited to have his friends come over to his house.  Because of his autism and sensory issues, in the past he has not handled birthday parties so well, especially those at loud and overcrowded places (think Chuck E. Cheese, for example).  So I decided to host a party for him and his friends at our house - a place where we could control the environment, the noise level, etc.  

 The first thing I did was hire a "real pirate" to come to the party. :)  Cap'n Blownapart is a college student at our church who had been to clown school and had a passion for all things piratey; so I knew the Beast would be comfortable with him there.

 I kept the decorations pretty simple.  I drew a welcome sign on our whiteboard, mostly because I knew he would get a kick out of seeing his own name.  The Happy Birthday banner was from Dollar Tree, as were a few other decorations and party supplies.

 I also found these super cute pirate decorations to hang from the ceiling at Party City.  Decorations hanging from the ceiling are great - they add a lot of color and punch but are not too distracting or overstimulating for him and his friends.  I talked to the Beast before his party so we could plan what to do in case he got too overwhelmed.  He decided that he would go downstairs to his room if things got to be too much.  During the party, he only disappeared to his room once, and he quickly came back out to join his friends.

 Planning the party food took some thought.  As a family, we started the Feingold Diet last week, meaning no artificial food colors, no artificial flavors, no preservatives, and the elimination of some salicylic foods, such as apples, oranges, tomatoes, grapes, etc.  I ended up making chocolate cupcakes from scratch and decorated them to look like little treasure islands.  The palm trees were plastic drink stirrers from the dollar store.  The main dishes were ham'n'cheese pirate boats, and the side dishes were a fruit tray of mango, cantaloupe, pineapple, and kiwi, and a bowl of organic cheese fish snacks.  The fruit, especially the mango, was the biggest hit!

 When party guests arrived, they got fitted for a paper pirate hat and matching eyepatch.  I used the free printable here.  Cap'n Blownapart made balloon swords and other balloon creatures for every pirate in attendance.

 I covered our cooler with brown paper and foil to make it look like a treasure chest and filled it with "pirate water."  (The Nerd designed and printed out treasure map water bottle labels that we put on each water bottle.  The kids used a Sharpie to write their name on their bottle, and presto! everyone had their own drink that was portable and somewhat spill-proof.)

 I hid "booty" for the kids to find in five different locations in the house.  Cap'n Blownapart helped the kids read the scavenger hunt clues, and then off they scattered to search for their treasure.  Prizes found were fish whistles, little plastic spyglasses, and lots of plastic gold coins.  The attending pirates filled their treasure bags and then got to take them home for a goody bag.

In true form, the Beast insisted everyone sing Happy Birthday to him and then plugged his ears as we did so.  By that time, he had had just about enough.  The kids sat on the floor and munched on cupcakes while he opened his gifts.  With each gift, he said, "Shiver me timbers! Thank ye very much!"  I have no idea where he got that line, but it was super cute.
The kids left with their armloads of balloon swords and booty bags, and the Beast stimmed for an hour.  It was worth it though to see him so excited and so proud to have his friends at his house.  I think we found the right balance of excitement and calm for him so that he could really enjoy his day.

Buddies

They fight sometimes. They call each other names and say "go away, stop bothering me!"

But secretly, they love each other. They are buddies, with the Spud following big brother around wherever he goes. They sit huddled over their Kindle, companionably watching Woody Woodpecker and giggling at all the same moments.

They make this momma's heart smile. Life with four littles so close in age can sometimes be difficult, but seeing my kidlets become friends for life is worth it.

Dear Brain, Please Stop

Ah, I haven't posted in a whole week! That's not to say that there aren't a host of them swimming around in my mind, though. The month of April is Autism Awareness Month, and as most of you know, our Beast was diagnosed with high-functioning autism almost two years ago. We are currently in the midst of a series of evaluations, teacher meetings, specialist meetings, and an ever-growing mound of paperwork. The Beast just celebrated his fifth birthday (fifth?!!!!) yesterday while he and I try to navigate through ever-increasing meltdowns, struggles to communicate, and most recently, bedwetting.

My brain is so literally filled to the brim with autism-related problems and hopeful helps that I am having trouble sleeping at night. I spend copious amounts of time researching and trying new ways to communicate and help my son. Then I worry and feel guilty that I may not be paying enough attention to my other children. It's a balancing act that makes me uncomfortable, but discomfort is all a part of parenting, anyway, as I am finding out more and more each day.

So while my head has been spinning and my heart has been hurting, life has still been a joy. God has given us more than we ever imagined, and my heart still smiles at the memory of my three oldest excitedly whispering to one another in their bedroom last night after a birthday celebration at John's Incredible Pizza. This weekend will be filled with Easter happiness and yes, probably a LOT of overstimulation for our little man.

Decisions are in the making for the Beast's education and other well-being. Next week, our whole family will be starting a new adventure as we tackle the Feingold diet(http://feingold.org/) and the drastic changes that will bring to our lives.

But, today, I am going to try to enjoy this day I have been given. The kids are playing with the Beast's new giant bowling set in the hallway, and Momma's got to show them her awesome bowling moves.

Figuring Out the Puzzle

Key words appearing in my Swagbucks search engine recently:

homeschooling an autistic child

how to make a weighted vest for autism

spiderman toys for gift ideas

how to help your autistic child adjust to new baby

My not-so-little Beast has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because he has evaluations later this week and because my little man is turning five in a month! It can be so overwhelming, treading the territory of "autism spectrum" and relearning everything you thought you should do as a parent.

I am so thankful I serve a God that is never overwhelmed and can guide us through this new stage in our lives. Psalm 32:8 is testament to that: "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eye."

Smile for the Camera

Ever since we brought Little Sprout home from the hospital, the struggles with the Beast have significantly increased. More meltdowns, more "off" days, and an increased sensitivity to everything have become a part of our daily routine. In addition to dealing with all of that, I now have a baby that is waking several times a night as well as an almost-five-year-old that is not sleeping well at night. In fact, some nights the kid does not sleep ALL. NIGHT. LONG. And let me tell you, an autistic kid that hasn't slept all night plus a mom who therefore has also not slept all night is not a good combination.

It is certainly stressful and hard as we try to help the Beast navigate this new part of life. It always helps to have a sense of humor along the way. A few weeks ago, our Beast was having one of his sleepless nights. The Nerd and I were trying to tune out his noisy chatter over the monitor so that at least one of us could sleep. Suddenly our bedroom door flew open, and there stood the Beast in full Spiderman attire holding his biggest Nerf gun:

In a deep voice, he commanded: "Smile for the camera!" After recovering from the near-heart-attack I had when the door opened so suddenly, I just started laughing. Laughing until tears came and the Nerd joined in.

Yes, I was extremely tired the next day. I had so much to do and so little energy for it. But somehow, the whole day seemed better after our encounter with Spiderman the night before.

P.S. It looks like I need to start shopping for a bigger Spiderman costume!

Hair's the Scoop

It was the week before Christmas. I was making a list of things to be done before the holiday, trying to make the house presentable, and figuring out how to feed a newborn a bazillion times and still keep to a normal schedule. I glanced over at the Beast and added another thing to my list - cut that boy's hair! He (and the Spud) were getting dangerously close to mullet territory, and while I may allow my children to run around sporting Spiderman costumes and gaudy tie-dyed T-shirts that don't match anything, I draw the line at redneck hair. :)

I dreaded actually completing that item on my list. The Beast is terrified of getting his hair cut, and every time I do it, I pray that the neighbors don't call CPS on us. He panics, screams hysterically, and I usually end up cutting it as fast as I can. (which has basically meant a buzz-cut every time). I promise his favorite TV show, ice cream, candy, a combination of all three - but it doesn't lessen his fear. (He has sensory issues related to his autism).

So. To recap, I had just had a baby, Christmas was on the horizon, the lower level of our house had flooded, and my kids were driving me crazy. (Oh, I didn't mention all that?) The impending haircuts were sure to add a lot of stress to that dynamic. Then dear Nerd suggested that we take all three kids to this hip little kid salon, Little Clippers, and pay whatever astronomical fees the kiddie stylists demanded. I was dubious as to whether some stranger would be able to handle the Beast and his haircut meltdowns, but hey, I was more than willing to let her try!

When we first walked into Little Clippers, we were greeted with an assortment of video game systems, motorized kiddie cars, play houses, and lots of toys. Our kids were immediately directed to a folder where they got to "sign out" the DVD they wanted to watch while their hair was being cut. Each of the offspring chose a fun vehicle to sit in, and they happily munched lollipops while staring at the TV. Well, all except the Beast, of course. However, he was not screaming or panicking - he was just very anxious and tense. The stylist assured me that she worked with kids like him all the time and would spend as much time as needed with him to get a good haircut. She was amazing - not only did she produce a nice layered haircut, but she also managed to convince the Beast to let her use scissors (something he would never let me do!) The Drama Queen also got to choose glitter and little clips for her new bob. It was such a stress-free experience that the Nerd happily shelled out the $16 per kid (I know, crazy right?!)

No, this is not an advertisement for Little Clippers - although if you have one in your area, as a mom friend, I would definitely recommend it. Nope, I was just thrilled to have someone else be able to work with my autistic boy and do so well at it.

That, and I was just a bit jealous that my salon didn't offer all those amenities. Maybe, if I were sitting in a sparkly pink car, eating my favorite candy and watching some reality TV, I wouldn't feel so awkward and obligated to make polite conversation with my stylist.

Just sayin'.

Sibling Love

Three Little Pumpkins - Soon to Be Four

We made our annual visit to the local pumpkin farm last weekend. The day was cool but surprisingly not rainy; so we had to take advantage of the weather. There are dozens of pumpkin farms to choose from in our area, but we started going to Lee Farms when the Drama Queen was just a year old and have made it a tradition. I love that most of the activities are geared towards younger kids, but let's face it - the real reason we love going to Lee Farms is to eat their phenomenal pumpkin and apple cider donuts!

It just so happened that on that same day, Old Navy was running one of their "one-day-only" sales on their puffy vests. Since the kids needed some new winter wear anyway, we stopped there first and scored cozy vests for the whole family.

The Spud got his tractor fix.

The Drama Queen was sweet and helped her brothers find pumpkins before she chose hers. She is getting so grown-up these days!

The kids eagerly anticipated their apple cider donuts.

I enjoyed waddling all around the grounds, watching the kids excitedly choose pumpkins and run through the hay maze. It will be really fun next year with four kids!

We have the kids pose here every year. Mr. Beast is catching up to the Drama Queen in height and has already passed her in weight. Makes me want to stop time for just a little while. . .

Face painting was a first this year. The Spud decided half-way through that he was finished; so his pumpkin looked a little funny.

And this is my absolute favorite photo of the day. It was such fun to see the Beast enjoy himself without getting overwhelmed or having a meltdown. It is usually really hard to get him to pose for a photo anyway, and I love this candid shot of my little man.

So pumpkin carving will be in the near future for us. We can't do them too far ahead of time because here in rainy Oregon, carved pumpkins rot much more quickly.

What Do Water Striders Eat?

"Mom, what's this?"

"Um, that's a mosquito, baby."

"What do mosquitos eat, Momma?"

"They eat blood."

"Yeah, they suck your blood."

"And what's this, Momma?"

"Um, that's a horsefly."

"What do horseflies eat?"

"Garbage and yucky stuff."

"Cool. What's this one's name?"

"That's a praying mantis, baby."

"And what do praying mantises eat?"

"Um. I think they eat other bugs. And sometimes the mommy praying mantis gets cranky with the daddy praying mantis and eats him too."

That's just a small snippet of the daily conversations I have with the Beast. His copy of World's Weirdest Creatures is well-worn, and I have learned far more about bugs and other creepy crawlies than I have ever desired. Due to his autism, the Beast has developed an obsession not necessarily with insects, but in general of "what eats what." I have answered questions about what polar bears eat and what penguins enjoy eating, and I have also frantically googled the answers to such questions as "What do fireflies eat?" and "What do hornets eat?" He will often ask the same question throughout the day if he is fascinated with the answer. I try to change the subject, but he is very persistent. Every week, I peruse the library for other interests that he might enjoy, but for now, the kid is fixated on animal eating habits.

And while I certainly do not claim to be Jeeves, I am becoming quite the expert on the subject. . .

Round-Up Sunday

Rainy day. Dark day. The Beast tossed and turned all night. His noises and crying kept the Drama Queen awake. I had to drag both of them out of bed at 8:45 am in order to get the Beast to school in time. One look at the Drama Queen's tired, grumpy face and I knew that homeschooling would be futile. And that's okay - we all need a break now and then. I've got 150 white chocolate truffles to make for a ladies' conference anyway. And stacks of laundry are awaiting folding and sorting. Not to mention that a certain preggo momma that got up several times during the night with the Beast wouldn't appreciate a nice nap.

So with that, I leave you with some pics of the family all dressed up in our fanciest Western duds for Round-Up Sunday at our church.

Foam/suedeish hats from the dollar store. Matching plaid outfits were bought last year at Crazy 8 for our visit to the pumpkin patch.

The Beast

The Drama Queen

The Spud

Momma and all four kiddos - Little Sprout made it impossible for me to button up my shirt all the way, heehee. Believe it or not, this is the best pic we got of all of us.

the not-so-little baby and I - love that little man!

Yeehaw! Off to pretend I'm being productive. . .

Iphone Photo Phun - short and sweet

As I am a little late in jumping on the Iphone Photo Phun bandwagon this week (don't look at me like that - I am thirty weeks preggo and a bit busy!), I'll try to keep the captions for this week's photos short and sweet.

Little Miss 5 1/2 finished her first reading book yesterday - all 126 pages of it! She must have a pretty awesome teacher.

While these two did break a lamp and my favorite Coca Cola drinking glass today, there are moments of sweetness and love. They may be few, but they do exist.

I discovered this week that I have two chicken lovers in my house. As in, "Please Mom can I have another drumstick? I promise to eat all my vegetables too" while stuffing face with broccoli and corn.

Cutest dinner dates ever!

The kids got to spend some time at their great-grandparents this weekend. :)

Time to get some dinner on! Sorry kiddos, we've had chicken enough this week - looks like it's going to be savory sausage soup.