Blended

Although school ended for the Beast on Thursday, it will only be a few short weeks before he goes back for the fall semester. Hopefully things go smoothly on these days that his schedule changes.

On Friday, I got an unexpected call from the Beast's main teacher. He told me that all of the Beast's teachers had been discussing his progress over the past year, and after a lot of talk, they felt that our Davey would be better suited to the blended class come fall. The blended class consists of some kids like Davey and also quite a few "normal" kids. It is run more like a classroom, with just two teachers instead of the several he's used to and with a structured curriculum similar to a kindergarten class instead of the one-on-one help he has been getting.

I am very excited for him - this means that progress is being made! On the other hand, I am a little nervous for him. Being in a blended class means he is going to have to work a lot harder to meet the same goals as his peers. It will challenge him in ways he hasn't been before. And most importantly, it is going to be a big change for him, and the Beast does not always handle change very well.

All the same, we are encouraged at this "promotion" and look forward to our Davey learning and growing even more!

Hey Look Mom

An enthusiastic Davey climbed out of his booster seat yesterday and ran to the bottom of the stairs that lead up to our home. I had just confirmed that yes, we were indeed having hot dogs for lunch, and he was psyched.

He paused at the bottom of the stairs. Without missing a beat, he tugged down his shorts and underwear, and proudly proclaimed, "Hey Mom look how short my pee-pee is!"

A barely-holding-it-together mom quickly encouraged her confident son to pull his pants back up amid spurts of laughter. He casually covered up and said, "Ha ha Mom, I'm a funny guy! I pull my pants down outside - I'm so funny!"

Yes, son, yes you are. And apparently the huge strides we are finally making in the potty training realm are giving him overwhelming confidence in his, ahem, equipment.

Here's hoping there are no repeat performances at church!

Of Changes and Autism

A few weeks ago the Nerd and I met up with all of the Beast's teachers to discuss his IFSP (Individualized Family Service Plan) for the upcoming year. I came prepared with a whole list of questions and things I felt our Beast needed to work on. Overall, the meeting went very well, especially since his teacher was new and really didn't know a whole lot about our son yet.

One thing that was especially concerning to me as a teacher is the fact that Davey does not have the hand control to make a simple line or circle on a piece of paper. When instructed to do so, he makes barely legible dots randomly on the paper and then gives up. At four years old, he needs to have this very basic skill in order to start learning how to write the various letters of the alphabet. I am hoping that the ideas the teachers came up with will help him gain the control he needs to master these simple skills.

However, near the end of the meeting, I was feeling pretty good about the direction David and his special education would be taking this year. I just had one more question for his teachers. I knew that this special class he currently attends is only for children age five and under, and I wondered what was going to be next for our Davey. Should we be preparing him to try to attend a "normal" kindergarten class, or would there be a special needs kindergarten class available for him if he needed it? When I presented this question, all the teachers looked at me blankly. Well of course he would be headed to a regular kindergarten class, I was told. Why would I think David needed to go to a different class? I was surprised but said simply that I was not sure based on his autism diagnosis of the previous year. At this bit of news, the teachers just stared at me. Get this - not one of his teachers was aware that David had been diagnosed with high-functioning autism! Granted, they had all noticed that he was a little "off" and thought perhaps he had an attention deficit disorder, but none of them had ever been informed that David is indeed autistic. I was shocked - somehow the information had been lost from point A to point B, and while his teachers have accomplished some amazing things with him this year, I wondered what more could have been done had they known the proper diagnosis??

So now we are facing yet another set of evaluations and tests for David within the next few months. I am so glad I asked that question, and yet I am concerned about what is next for us. Lately our sweet Davey has been having a lot of "sad days" - days in which he has meltdown after meltdown and sits and mopes in a corner for hours. These days are usually triggered by some sort of change - new teacher, new Sunday School class, baby coming, etc. Two of his good friends from his class will be moving up to the integrated class this fall, and I wonder how David will handle it.

Still, despite the worry and anxiety for my little guy, I know that a God much more powerful and greater than all of this is "handling it." He gives us so many promises in the book of Psalms:

"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." (Psalm 27:14) And what about "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eye." (Psalm 32:8) We are beyond thankful that our almighty God is traveling this way with us!

A BIG Thank You!

We celebrated the Beast's last day of school on Thursday. We celebrated six teachers that have the amazing capabilities to bring out the best in our children. The Beast helped me choose papers to make these notebooks for his teachers as end-of-the-year gifts.

We simply bought notebooks at the dollar store and covered them in coordinating scrapbook paper. (The Beast really liked the bright colors of these sock-monkey themed papers). I used a Sharpie to write each teacher's name in a fun font. (the heartbreaker font at dafont.com was inspiration). Then we tied them up with white grosgrain ribbon bows and colorful pencils.

It seemed it was the least I could do for these incredible teachers. Those of you that knew the Beast before he was diagnosed and before he began this special education program would be able to testify how much progress and change has occurred in our little man over the year. I will forever be grateful to these people whose talents were used to help the Beast in ways that I, even as his mom, could not. It never seems enough to say thank you - but, a BIG thanks to all of his teachers. Mr. Scott, Teacher Jan, Teacher Bobby, Teacher Mary Jo, Teacher Chris, and Miss Maggy - we love you!

Beyond the teachers, the class itself was an incredible experience this year. My Beast finally has friends - ones that run up to him, grab him firmly by the hand, and proudly introduce him as "my friend David." Each child in the class has a special, fun personality, and I am looking forward to the playdates this summer with the Beast's favorite people. I have been able to develop amazing friendships with the parents of these special kids. One in particular has been such a blessing and wonderful friend throughout the school year. She has watched my kids when I was sick, picked up the Beast and taken him to school when I needed it, but most of all she loves my kids, especially my Davey.

So here I am at the end of the school year, trying to process my emotions about it all. The Beast comes over to me and initiates a long conversation about the baby, keeping eye contact with me the entire time. Summer break for him is actually quite short - just the month of June in fact - and he will be returning to his class in the beginning of July. Then Mr. Scott (his favorite teacher) calls. Budget cuts have been made, and a lot of reshuffling in the system has taken place. While David will still get to be with most of his teachers and classmates, unfortunately Mr. Scott is being moved to another class. I must admit, I cry when I hear the news. (I am sure preggo hormones are a part of that!) From the moment Davey and Mr. Scott met, they have had a special connection. Davey measures his days by "when's the next time I get to see Mr. Scott?" We have benefitted so much from Mr. Scott as parents - he even has come by our house to help us work out solutions to problems we were having with David at home. I don't know how to tell David that he will have a new teacher and that he will not be seeing Mr. Scott every week anymore.

However, I am trying hard to be grateful that he has so many good teachers and that he is able to continue in this fabulous program. I know that with that kind of help, our Beast's future is bright. I praise God every day that we get to be part of this community!

Four Already!

Hey, not-so-little-man! I am amazed that you have reached your fourth birthday already! It seems like just yesterday that I found out I was going to have a boy. We chose the name David because it means "beloved" and because we wanted a strong name for our first boy. I can't imagine calling you anything else - the name David fits you so well.

Happy Birthday! The fourth year of your life has been filled with many wonderful events and surprises. It was also shortly after your third birthday that we got the official diagnosis of high-functioning autism for you. I have watched my three-year-old make incredible leaps and bounds through ESD preschool and therapy. Daily we find new ways to connect and bond with you, and I am so proud and happy that God blessed us with a little superman! Only you would prefer Spiderman, I know.

So here's to a very Spiderman-filled day! I hope you liked seeing your big bunch of balloons and your special Spiderman outfit for the day. I knew you would love the water sword from the dollar store that you've had your eye on for months now. I'll bet you thought your momma would never cave and get you that, did you??

And it's not a birthday in our house unless we get cupcakes for breakfast. I love the way you carefully peeled the wrapper off yours and oohed and aahed over the surprise blue cake! It will be fun to take some of these to share with your classmates at preschool. And later, we will have a big Spiderman cake and open lots of presents at your favorite restaurant.

I hope it all makes you feel super special - because that's exactly the way I felt when the nurse gently laid you in my arms just seconds after you were born. Special.

Happy Birthday, Beast!

Wednesdays

The Beast has a fifty minute therapy session every Wednesday morning with his dear Miss Sally Ann. No one has been more kind, loving, or helpful to Davey than Miss Sally Ann (who sports a British accent, to boot!) Sally Ann has encouraged him, brought him out of his shell, and helped him build his strength in so many areas. I am so grateful to her and thankful for health insurance that makes these rather costly visits possible.

However, those fifty minutes are very draining on my little guy. He is forced to consistently pay attention and make his muscles do things he would rather not do. When he comes out of neurotherapeutics, two things usually happen: he cries hysterically that he is not ready to leave Miss Sally Ann, and he begins a day-long meltdown. His brain simply cannot handle any more stress, and he throws tantrums at the smallest and simplest of things.

Next, he moves into what I call the "check-out" stage. Davey moves into his own little world, a faraway place that is very hard to reach. It is difficult to get him to obey simple instructions and impossible to have any sort of conversation with him. This is a time when he often does inexplicable things, like tearing all of the pages out of his favorite book. He may also sit in a corner and start reciting lines from one of his favorite movies or TV shows.

By evening, he will reach the "ridiculous" stage. My Davey will sit on the floor laughing hysterically at nothing. There have been times when he has lain on the floor in the middle of a store, eyes glassed over as he giggled uncontrollably. Besides the crazy laughter, he also makes strange noises and grunts a lot.

Last night, after our midweek church service, I had to stop at the store for milk and a few other items. David was in "ridiculous" mode by that point, which made us the receiving end of many stares, glares, and rude comments. I kept telling myself that I didn't care what these strangers thought - there was no way they could possibly understand anyway.

And then this morning I read this post. Her simple but compassionate words touched my heart and reminded me of the extraordinary task God gave us when He gave us Davey. Today I am so thankful for God's unconditional love and blessings. It's the same way I love my son. Unconditionally and without reserve. So who really cares what other people think?

Wordless Wednesday - drummer boy

Davey. always marching to the beat of his own drum...

No Matter What

I love our new schedule - it keeps us busy for sure! However, I wondered how Davey would take to it, since he tends to freak out if any little change in his life occurs.

Most of the time, he seems to be handling it pretty well. We have a picture system that helps tremendously. I draw a series of pictures of what we're going to do that day - take the Drama Queen to school, go to the gym, eat lunch, etc. - and he crosses off the pictures as we do each activity.

And then there are the other days - the days when no amount of pictures, cajoling, lecturing, and yes even bribery will get that kid to cooperate. One day earlier this week, he refused to speak to me in English and instead resorted only to gibberish every time I asked him a question or told him to do something. It was probably one of the most frustrating days I have had with him to date. At one point, I went into the bathroom so I could cry and let it out a little. Why? Why does it have to be like this? Does God think I need an extra measure of patience? Why?

Lately I have been hearing a song on the radio that has expressed this question so perfectly - and reminded me that, no matter what, God knows what He is doing and I just need to trust him.

The song is "No Matter What" by Kerrie Roberts, and here's the impactful words:

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, I keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what

School Daze

Last night, I uttered words that have never been spoken in this house before - "She needs to get to bed. It's a 'school night.' "

Yes, things have certainly changed around here. It all started on Tuesday morning, when I got up early to get everybody and everything ready for the first day of school.

The Drama Queen was already up, excited and ready to go in her uniform and with her special backpack, packed to the brim with tissues, Clorox wipes, construction paper, and other such preschool necessities. I had my bag packed as well, with my lesson plan book, red pens, paper, and some special treats for my Spanish students. When the boys woke up rather groggily, the Beast pulled out his new Spiderman backpack to be filled with extra clothes and pull-ups for daycare and later his ESD preschool. We managed to remember everything and get out the door in plenty of time to get to school.
The Nerd planned to go into work a little late that morning so he could see our baby girl go to school that first day. After dropping the boys off at daycare (not a happy occasion for the Beast unfortunately), we took the Drama Queen up to her classroom where she willingly posed by her desk in her Dr. Seuss-themed room. That sweet smile and air of self-confidence tugged at my heart a little, but I didn't cry. The Nerd insisted on taking several pictures of the momentous event, including photos of her in front of the fish tank, in front of Mrs. Kaiti's desk, in the process of unloading her backpack, etc. You would think he was the blogger in the family! I gave her a quick hug and told her she was going to be awesome in preschool; then I hurried downstairs to teacher's meeting. After a long but informative assembly, I got to meet the the 7th and 8th grade students that would be in my Spanish class this year. (lots of boys with deep voices that squeak every once in a while and a few girls that are taller than the boys :) ) It felt great to get back into the teaching groove again!

After Spanish class, I picked up the boys from daycare and headed home. I got a few things done around the house and then it was back to school to pick up a very bubbly and talkative Drama Queen from school. She chatted about what she had learned and who had gotten their name on the board (apparently not a good thing) and who was sitting next to her all the way home. We all hurriedly ate lunch and then got back into the van to take Davey to his ESD preschool for the afternoon.
This time, as I pulled into the parking lot of the ESD/Headstart building and signed in to take him to his class, I started to cry. It was very overwhelming to take my barely-three-year-old to a class with a teacher I hardly knew. He looked at me uncertainly from the door, but as soon as Mr. Scott promised he could wash his hands with the bubbly soap, he cheerfully waved and went inside. I didn't want to leave and stood around for a little while, as if there were something else I should do before I go. Mr. Scott gently reminded me that he would see us again at 3:30 pm. I reluctantly took the other kiddies home for the rest of the afternoon.

Promptly at 3:30 I was back at his school, waiting to hear all about his first day. Mr. Scott said he did very well for his first day and only had a little trouble staying focused during circle time. Davey of course said nothing - he never talks about his day. From his preschool, I drove straight to the doctor's office, where the Drama Queen and the Spud had their check-ups and respective shots. Then it was home to finish making dinner and finally take a break from the van!

So, yes, I would say that our daily lives have changed rather dramatically. I am trying to figure out where my Etsy shop projects and blogging will fit in, but I am loving it! This is the part of motherhood I have been waiting for - the busyness, the school projects, and the daily schedule :)

Autism and Grief

After we got the official diagnosis of "high-functioning autism" for Davey from his evaluations, life suddenly got extremely busy. I had a wedding cake to make for a friend. I was behind on custom orders for The Framed Frog and so was working on them every spare minute I had. Both the Beast and the Drama Queen took turns being up all night with a stomach virus. I had to write scripts for the VBS puppets and then perform them every night with my puppeting friends. My sister had her baby. (long phone calls).

Finally, yesterday, the chaos slowed a little. I actually spent my morning in normal activities, like cleaning my kitchen and doing loads of laundry. Despite the Nerd being home from work sick, I managed to straighten up the living room and make the place look somewhat comfortable. After all, we were having company!

At 1:30, there was a knock at the door, and an energetic man named Scott came in, immediately taking off his shoes and bounding up the stairs in search of Davey. Davey, who almost never acknowledges when we have a visitor, especially strangers, ran up to Scott and began shouting random things like "Hey I have a brother" and "I like hot dogs!" Within five minutes, Davey was seated on Scott's lap being tickled while the Drama Queen filed in and out of the room, showing off each of her Toy Story toys to our guest. You would have thought that Davey and Scott had known each other for years!

Scott is going to be Davey's teacher at the Early Intervention Preschool in the fall. For two and a half hours every Tuesday and Thursday, he is going to be working with Davey on specific objectives that we have set for him. I was grateful to see the connection between Davey and his new teacher, and the two of them spent over half an hour just playing and talking and getting to know each other. Then Scott went over some of the specifics with me, drawing some diagrams out on a sheet of paper and talking. He left with a "See you at school, David!" It was a very hopeful and positive experience.

But last night, as the Nerd dozed off on the couch and I tried to get some things done, I found myself in tears. Frustrated that I would be crying over "nothing", I turned on the TV and tried to focus on my to-do list. Before I knew it, I was sobbing - the kind of crying that doesn't allow you to do anything else but cry. The Nerd woke up and asked me what was wrong. I didn't really know. I finally realized that in all the busyness of the past week or so, I hadn't allowed myself or even had time to think about David's diagnosis. The tears came fast and heavy, and strangely I felt embarrassed, as if no one would really understand why I was crying. I didn't really understand why I was crying. David's diagnosis is the best possible diagnosis we could have gotten. Unlike many other children on the autism spectrum, David has a wonderful vocabulary and is very loving. In fact, there are some days when I wonder if we should have even taken him in to get evaluated - he seems so "normal."

But then he has a "bad day" full of melt-downs when he reverts to speaking in gibberish and cries hysterically at the smallest things. He bites his siblings and does things that have no explanation. Those are the days that are painful reminders of why we chose this journey in the first place.

I guess I didn't really understand it when the special education therapist offered us a grief counselor as a resource. Now I know. There is grief for the obstacles and uphill battles ahead of us, and grief for Davey. He has such a promising future, but he will have to work harder at things than most kids. Making friends will never be easy for him.

The tears are still coming this morning, although not nearly as much as they were last night. I know that God is in control and that He has a special plan for my son; but I also know that it's okay to cry and release all those feelings and fears.

Today is going to be a good day. I just got a big smile and hug from Davey, and the Drama Queen has politely asked me to please stop using the computer so we can play. :)

Special Times

I am sitting at the kitchen table with all three kids clamoring for my attention. The Drama Queen wants me to confirm that tomorrow is indeed her half-birthday; the Spud is anxious to get down from his high chair. The Beast is demanding that I look at a picture on the wall, and if past behavior is any indication, he will insist that I look at the same picture several more times today.

Although I am subconsciously answering these questions and releasing the Spud from his chair, my real attention is focused on a stack of papers in front of me. Each sheet has the logo ESD emblazoned across the letterhead, and I am trying to find all the "sign here"s and "date here"s. Somehow, seeing all the paperwork that will potentially put our son in special education suddenly makes the whole situation much more real. On one hand, I am excited - eager to get some more answers and to get our Davey the help he needs to function socially.

On the other hand, however, I am also preparing for a very different meeting tonight. Tonight the Nerd and I meet up with the Drama Queen's preschool teacher and discuss "normal" things like where to purchase her uniform, what fun things she is going to get to do in class this year, etc. Tomorrow is the meeting with all the ESD folks, where the discussion will not be so "normal." Tomorrow, they will be deciding whether or not Davey is a candidate for Early Intervention Preschool. Again, I am happy and hoping so much that he will get this help; but it saddens me a little as well. As a mom, I never expected to hear "ESD" or "special education" used to refer to my child.

Strangely enough, it is not really a negative feeling. I feel blessed that God has entrusted us with the task of raising this special child. He must see something in me that I don't - not yet, anyway!

On Thursday, we will be gearing ourselves up for a very busy morning. The Nerd has taken the time off work, and together we and Davey will be meeting with several specialists throughout the morning. These meetings will result in the official diagnosis -Aspergers or otherwise.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and kind comments, dear readers. And local friends, I cannot thank you enough for the many spur-of-the-moment baby-sittings and advice and hugs. :)

God is faithful, and He knows.
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when i was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect, and in they book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!" Psalm 139:14-17

Wordless Wednesday - Davey's Smile

a smile that makes my day - every time!

more wordless fun at 5 Minutes for Mom...

Update on Davey

Many of you have been asking if we have gotten any answers regarding our concerns with Davey yet. (initial post on these concerns here). I figured it was time for a Davey Update.

So far we have had an in-home observation session, in which a special education therapist came to our house and observed Davey in his "natural environment" while asking me a lot of questions. Surprisingly, Davey did really well with the therapist, giving her more eye contact than usual and even answering some of her questions. She did have an opportunity to see his unusual running habits and flapping of his hands. After assessing her observations and my answers to her questions, the therapist told me that he is definitely a candidate for Early Intervention Preschool(EIP). She felt that if he got into EIP now, he may get the preparation he needs to go to a regular school by kindergarten age.

Before he can start attending EIP, we have a barrage of appointments to attend in the upcoming weeks. Tomorrow he meets with the orthopedic specialist, where he will be examined to see if there are any physical reasons why he always runs on his tiptoes.
In July, we have a five-hour-long meeting with several specialists - an occupational therapist, a child psychiatrist, an educational consultant, etc. Then we will be meeting with the EIP folks for another lengthy appointment. Once we get an official diagnosis, we will be able to get him into EIP and also start getting some education for ourselves to help us learn better techniques for dealing with our Davey.

All in all, I am encouraged so far. The pediatrician had us start giving Davey melatonin at night to help him sleep better. He used to be up until midnight or later every night, and I figured he was just a night owl that liked to stay up late. Of course, dealing with him the next morning was no picnic! Melatonin has worked wonders for him! He usually falls asleep now within thirty minutes of taking the natural supplement and sleeps steadily through the night. It has greatly improved his overall behavior because he is finally getting the rest he needs.

And, we are on the path to finding more answers and helping our sweet Davey. It is looking more and more like Aspergers, but we'll see. We are trusting God that His plan is greater than ours and that whatever the outcome, Davey will be used in a special way for Him. :)

Thank you all for your prayers and supportive comments - it means so much to me. :)

Help for Davey

I have a wonderful son.

He is sweet, sensitive, funny, handsome, smart, and loving. You all know him as "The Beast", but to me, he is my Davey.

Over the past year, I have noticed little quirks in the way my little man spends his days. Every day, around 11:00 am, he runs back and forth from the front door to the back door for thirty minutes straight. It is impossible to get his attention during this time. In an overwhelming social situation, Davey will start babbling unintelligibly and stuttering. He also flaps his arms whenever he gets excited or nervous. He is obsessed with our vacuum cleaner and will sit playing with it for hours.

Lately, however, it has become obvious that these are not just "quirks". Despite having a great vocabulary and good speech patterns, Davey often retreats into his own little world. He rarely makes eye contact and never joins in conversations with the rest of the family. Many times he will ramble on and on in a one-sided conversation with himself. These things especially make it difficult to parent him. I frequently feel like he and I are in two different worlds and we just don't connect. Out in public, it can be quite dangerous as he is blissfully unaware of cars, other people, and even his momma shouting his name.

And thus the debate in my head and heart began. Is this stuff he will just "grow out of", as so many other well-meaning moms stated as they encouraged me to just be patient through this "phase"? Should I seek professional help? Will doing that label my kid unnecessarily?

When my husband started mentioning that he was concerned as well, I felt that at least my suspicions were validated. Together we decided to take our list of concerns to his pediatrician and see if we could get a referral to a specialist.

We met with the pediatrician today. I was so grateful that she listened carefully to everything we had to say and that she didn't laugh off any of my concerns. She felt that the behaviours and symptoms Davey was exhibiting may put him in the "austistic spectrum". More specifically, he may have Aspergers. Thanks to her, we now have a referral to a specialist who can give him a proper diagnosis and get us into the therapy and help we need.

I am relieved to have some direction and some hope in learning how to better help my son. I am also a little sad - every mom wants their kid to be "perfect." But he is - he is perfectly Davey, and we just need to learn how to connect with him and make our days together less frustrating.

It's going to be a long road ahead, no matter the diagnosis. But, "As for God, his way is PERFECT; the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him."

And we are trusting.