(disclaimer: some potty words are used in the following post as well as the word stupid, which is just a bad as a potty word in our house. you have been warned.)
Boys. Before I ever had the privilege of being a momma to my children and in particular my two boys, I was a junior-high teacher. I remember insects being put in the microwave, daring stunts performed without a thought or care to the danger of it all, and senseless destruction of books, papers, and pretty much anything those junior high boys could get their hands on. I remember asking "Why?", "Why on earth?" and any other version of "Why?" you can think of. Staring at their blank faces, I realized that they themselves had no idea why they were doing what they were doing, other than to drive their parents and myself to an early grave. I formulated a theory that when puberty hit, so did stupidity. It couldn't be helped. Junior high girls were emotional and irrational; junior high boys were stupid.
I thought that period of my life was over. At least, until my boys hit that age, anyway. But certain little "why?"s have been creeping their way into my daily dialogue lately:
"But why did you poop all over the laundry room floor? The bathroom is right down the hall!!! You had to have deliberately gone into the laundry room instead! Why???????????????"
"Please tell me why you thought it was a good idea to rip every page out of your favorite book. Are you seriously going to stand there and cry when I tell you that I can't read it to you tonight? Why??????"
"What is that in your hand? How did you get that water bottle when you are supposed to buckled in your booster seat? And what is that pale yellow liquid in the bottle? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh never mind......why??????????"
"I thought I just tightened up the waistband on those shorts. Why do you keep tugging them up like that? OH! I see you forgot to put on underwear today....oh, you didn't want to wear underwear today? Why??????????"
"And what is that at the bottom of your shorts? Who did that? Where did you get a hold of a pair of scissors? And why on earth would you cut up the hem of a perfectly good pair of shorts? Why?????"
(said outside the men's bathroom at church) "Hey buddy, are you done yet? Hurry up, Momma's waiting and we need to get back to the service." (I grab a passing man and ask him to go in and check on my son. Yes, he is still alive. No, he has no clothes on.) "Come on, hurry and put your pants back on and come out, please." (child comes out. naked. ) "Ooooookay then, let's hurry and get dressed. Why did you take off all your clothes?" (and why are so many people already out of the service and walking by while I dress my kid?????) "Why??????"
I am quite sure that they don't know why. It could be a part of some big conspiracy theory, which I would not put past the Spud. But obviously focusing on the "why?"s of it all doesn't help the situation.
So I have come up with a long-term solution. I am going to keep track of every single "why?" moment I have with these precious young men. Someday, they are going to come to me with reasons why I should trust them to have a cell phone, go somewhere with their friends, or (gasp!!) drive. It is then I will pull out my long list of "why?"s to demonstrate why not.
After all, those junior high boys that fried a grasshopper in the microwave are now grown men, some married and even with children. I'll consider this post a sort of public service announcement to girls everywhere. Boys are stupid. It's us that helps even it out, balance out the stupidity if you will.
P.S. I adore my silly boys. I don't understand their shenanigans half the time, but boy do those guys have a firm grasp on my heart!
