Super

Lately I've been finding myself trying to be "super mom." All right - who am I kidding? The attempts started when sweet little Drama Queen was born. This condition has been only exacerbated by reading too many "perfect" mommy blogs or trying to compare myself to other mommies I know.

I think that sometimes I forget that my family is not "their" family. My kids are not "their" kids. God made our family unit unique - and what's right for our family may not necessarily work for another family.

I also need to be reminded (more often than I care to admit!) that I can't do anything without God. Every day is proof that I am painfully human and that I can only "do all things THROUGH Christ which strengtheneth me."

And as I continue on this perilous journey called motherhood, I am discovering that the path that is right for our family is not the popular one. Even amidst Christian circles, the choices we are making as a family draw negative attention and criticism. I used to care about these comments, these harsh words of "constructive criticism." I felt my family should look like and act like and participate in the same things as all the other families in our circle.

More and more, I am realizing that it isn't about me and "fitting in" with others. God's way is perfect. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I wish I could say that this momma fully trusts God in every thing, especially the new steps that are coming up in our lives soon. I'm still working on that - but I feel a peace knowing that the decisions we are making are the right ones.

I won't be achieving that "super mom" status any time soon, but I am so thankful I have a super God on which to lean!

Mommy Guilt ?

Running errands is not my favorite way to spend my day. And when I have the wonderful privilege of taking along three children (who cannot get along for just one second, thank you very much!), well, it just falls further and further down my list of least favorite things to do. Especially when those adorable children all initiate that whiny tone of voice and complain about everything - including but not limited to: my feet hurt, I'm tired of this store, why can't we get some candy, I want to look at the toys, she's looking at me, this is so boring...

So. When I do have to accomplish this most unpleasant task, afterwards I often feel the van pulling into a Starbucks drive-thru, as if led by some invisible magnet. Having survived an hour or two of whining and fighting, I most certainly deserve a reward, and most often I prefer my reward to be full of sugar and caffeine. We then head home with momma a much happier and calmer person, which is really good for everyone all around.

Recently, a friend asked me if I felt guilty about doing that. "Doing what?" I wondered, trying to decide what new slice of mommy guilt to add to my already burgeoning pie. "You know," she said. "Buying a drink for yourself and not getting the kids anything." Honestly, I had never thought about it. But now, the question was out there, and I considered it.

And here's my take: absolutely no! I think moms should be able to enjoy many treats that don't have to be shared with the offspring. (anyone else wait until their kids go to bed so that they can eat their favorite ice cream?!) Just because Momma is getting a treat, it certainly doesn't mean the kids all need (or deserve) a treat too. Beyond that, as a conscientious parent, I definitely will not reward whining or squabbling with a treat. My final reason? Starbucks is way too expensive to treat all the kids! *

What do you think? Should I feel guilty for not treating my kids when I treat myself?

*disclaimer: I have been known to very occasionally get a couple of chocolate milks with whipped cream for charming and deserving children on a trip to my favorite coffee shop. I am not a total ogre. :)

A Glimpse Into Life Lately

Monday Mischief

in case anyone was wondering how my Monday went. . .

Not So Easy Peasy

It's not so easy to find time to blog when you are:

*wiping snot every five minutes - major allergies around here!

*still attempting to potty train the Beast

*dressing your boys in matching outfits because you can - and because you know one day they won't let you do it anymore

*shopping for the perfect Easter outfits for the kids. matching of course

*cleaning up a mess to turn around and clean up another mess, only to turn around and discover that the original mess is now on Version Two

*trying to accomplish housework with two not-so-subtle and not-so quiet shadows

*taking advantage of the sunshine that has FINALLY graced us with its presence

*working on Easter projects for the kids and not having the slightest idea what you are doing

*sneaking in a sloppy kiss here and a squishy hug there - because, like the matching outfits, those will not be around forever

*driving Hot Wheels and Thomas trains endlessly around the tracks and actually enjoying it

*listening to yet another knock-knock joke that makes no sense and offering up yet another rendition of the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" at the top of your lungs

Yep, it's busy. Crazy busy, fun busy, I wouldn't-want-it-any-other-way busy. (Of course there is always time to play around with photos in Picnik!) ;) Gotta go pick up the girlie from school! Happy Tuesday, all!

What Makes You a Good Mom? Part One

I am wife to the Nerd, who needs me to make his dinners, do his laundry, and make him happy. I am mom to the Drama Queen, who needs me to teach her, talk with her, and listen to all her chatter. I am mom to the Beast, who needs me to hug him several times a day, talk slowly and directly to him, and anticipate his needs that he has trouble expressing. I am mom to the Spud, who needs me to pay attention to him frequently, feed him, and clean up his messes. I am artist and crafter for my customers, who need me to create custom items in a timely manner. I am Peewee Club teacher to my little group of 3-5 year-olds, who need me to teach them and be patient with them. I will be Spanish teacher to a rowdy group of teenagers, who need me to exert my magic and somehow make them pay attention and pass the class.

The list goes on, and in all my busyness, I am often caught in the trap of second-guessing my parenting skills or the swamp of dragging through "mommy-guilt." You all know the feeling. It usually happens because I've been talking to another parent, who manages to work it into the conversation that they've spent X amount of quality time with their off-spring this week and isn't motherhood just the best thing ever?

Well, the truth is that it's not - not always, anyway. Don't get me wrong - motherhood is a noble calling and IS wonderful in so many ways, but it ain't always pretty. And it isn't always fun! I used to feel guilty about thinking that, but now I know it's just reality. It doesn't make me a bad mom! Look, when my kiddos were spreading poop all over their room last year, I was not rejoicing in the fact that I was a mom. People told me that later I would look back on the incident as a fond memory and laugh. I'm still not laughing, folks! All I remember are the hours of back-breaking carpet cleaning and the smell that lingered forever...

A few weeks ago I was waiting in line at the post office and struck up a conversation with the lady in front of me. She also was a mom of three littles, who were gathered around her, kicking and whining about being bored. She apologized to me for their behavior, telling me that it was HER fault because she hadn't spent enough quality time with them that week. She went on to explain that they had only been to the zoo, the library, and two mom/child events that week; and normally, she did a lot more with them. I suppose in some mommy circles that would have made her super-mom, but in her mind, it was not enough. I went home that day pondering what really constitutes being a good mom.

Society today, especially with the plethora of mommy blogs out there (yep, I know, a little tongue-in-cheek for you there), turns the pressure up on moms to perform at what they deem an acceptable level for being a "good mom." Your daughter is three and you haven't enrolled her in ballet yet? She's already behind and has lost all hope of becoming something great. You don't sit on the floor and spend hours playing trains and cars with your child while trying to engage him in meaningful conversation? Later in life he'll accuse you of being a "distant parent" while lying on a couch across from his therapist. You don't plan educational activities every day for your two-year-old? She is destined for failure, or at the very most, community college. You told your five-year-old not to bother mommy right now but to go and find something to do? Well, apparently you just told your child that you don't care about him or his feelings...

So if these things are really not qualifiers in making someone a "good mom" (in my own humble opinion of course), what does? What are the core values and characteristics that make up a good mom?

I don't like my blog posts to be tremendously long; so this topic is going to addressed in more than one post. I will definitely share what I am learning are the real things that make up a "good mom" in the posts to come, and I welcome your comments, advice, experiences, and so on.