Joys of Autism: Friendship

Last week, I started a series on my blog called the Joys of Autism.  The series came about when I realized that most of my posts on autism tended to be a little more negative and dealt more with the difficulties and challenges of parenting an autistic child.  Although I don't intend to sugarcoat the realities of autism, as a parent to a kid on the spectrum, I can appreciate and enjoy the blessings and joys that come with the territory also.  I want to share those joys in this series, to help people better understand autism and to encourage parents or caregivers of those on the spectrum.

The other night, I was talking to a friend on the phone.  We were making final plans for a Saturday outing and just chatting about our kids and life in general.  After I hung up, I began folding a basket of laundry and thinking about my friend.  The realization hit me that she and I would probably never had met, let alone become such close friends, if it were not for David's autism. 

The truth is, our journey with our autistic son has led us to meet some pretty amazing and wonderful people.  I remember well the first time we encountered "Mr. Scott," David's teacher in 3-year-old preschool.  He was the first adult that seemed to have an uncanny ability to connect with David and get him to do things that we thought were impossible.  He patiently listened to our concerns, went out of his way to help us solve problems that we were having with David, and most of all genuinely cared about our kid.  David had several more teachers that took extra steps to help him hit milestones.  I will never forget "Miss Sally Ann," David's physical therapist at Neurotherapeutics.  She was so kind, so gentle, and undoubtedly David's biggest cheerleader during that time of his life.  His confidence grew in leaps and bounds as well as his overall body strength.  I looked forward to each Wednesday so I could chat with her and hear someone talk about my son in such a positive and encouraging way. 

Most of all, one morning while I was dropping off my three-year-old at his class, feeling scared and unsure of the steps we were taking with him, another mom approached me and introduced herself.  She had twins in the same class as David.  We immediately connected and starting to get together with our kids often.  Dawn is one of those rare friends that you feel like you have known forever.  We have chatted for hours about our families, schools, and churches; and we have found ourselves buried in deep discussions on faith, relationships, and our children.  We are dedicated moms.  We are loving wives.  We are faithful friends.  We are encouraging women.  But the thread that ties us together and keeps our friendship strong is our mutual desire to help our kids in the special challenges they are facing.  I can share all the details of a rough day with David, and she understands.  She doesn't just have compassion - she gets it!  She doesn't have to try to comprehend it;  she is experiencing similar issues and challenges with her own children.  She knows.

I am grateful for the friendships that this journey with autism has forged for us.  Did I mention that Dawn faithfully came by every morning to pick up David for school so that my big old pregnant self wouldn't have to pack up my crew and do it? 

She's a pretty amazing friend, and I am blessed to have her. :)

Joys of Autism: Character Embodiment

I have been looking through the archives of Temporary Insanity, revisiting the past and trying to determine a direction for the blog in the future.  I have noticed that the vast majority of posts with the label autism tend to be more on the negative side.  They speak of the challenges and unique difficulties in parenting a child with autism.  And while I wholeheartedly believe in being real and true to what I am thinking and feeling, I realize that there is a whole other side of autism that has been neglected completely on Temporary Insanity.  Yes, despite the struggles and tears, there are many beautiful things that autism has brought to our lives as well.  I call them "the joys of autism", and quite honestly, I would never get to experience these amazing blessings if I didn't have an autistic child.  Those of you that don't have any experience or contact with a child on the spectrum, please listen!  These joys of autism that I plan to share over the next several weeks will hopefully be insightful into the wonders of parenting our Beast.  And for those of you that have been as blessed as we are with a special needs child, take heart!  Use these posts to encourage yourself and remind yourself of the good things, especially on those days that can suck the life out of you.

Today, the Beast is David.  Yes, I know that's his name, but he really thinks that he is the David of the Bible today.  At breakfast, he regaled me with the tale of how he killed the giant Goliath.  He spent a lot of time on all the gory details, making sure that he mentioned as many times as possible that he was the hero of this story.  He likes to be the hero.  It gives him a sense of control in a body that doesn't always do what he wants.  People watching him retell the story would see only a boy awkwardly moving around, but in his head, he is David, and he is awesome!  In his mind, he executes every military movement flawlessly.  In his world, nothing is impossible!

I call this joy of autism "character embodiment."  Most days, my son is "not himself."  Just yesterday, he was Anakin Skywalker (before he became Darth Vader, of course), and last week, he was a ninja warrior.  Most kids love to dress up and pretend to be various favorite characters.  But David lives his characters.  His entire day revolves around what that character would do and how that character would act. He sinks completely into his role and does not come up for air for days, sometimes weeks, even.

Character embodiment is a joy of autism.  It is a window into his thoughts and feelings.  He may not tell me he loves me very often, but David the soccer star might give me an awkward punch on the arm and inform me that I'm his favorite teammate.  I'll take that!  And the tales he weaves like a master storyteller entertain me to no end and make my heart smile.  It's just a bonus that I can easily convince him that Anakin did indeed need a lot of sleep and would absolutely go to bed right now.

On the days that our Beast is withdrawn, quiet, and somewhere far away in a world of his own, I pray for David the warrior or David the ninja to make an appearance.  When one of his characters shows up, I know we haven't lost him completely.

And hey, who needs cable when you've got a David/Anakin/Spiderman/ninja/soccer star to entertain you?