Yeah, not me, obviously. I should have realized that taking the three munchkins by myself to the mall on a busy Saturday was not my most brilliant idea ever. But just the thought of spending yet another day in the new house, unpacking boxes, cleaning, and organizing while keeping an eye on the kiddies motivated me to go ahead and take the aforesaid trip to the mall.
We started off our shopping trip by sitting in the food court and munching on Carls Jr. Grilled Cheese Burgers. I let the kiddies have their favorite treat - a little root beer- and things seemed to be going well. We then began wandering from shop to shop, looking at all the lovely things to buy and of course keeping our money in our pockets. Well, mostly - I just couldn't resist some great deals at Childrens' Place.
And then the real fun began. The kids were begging and pleading to play at the mall's indoor play area. I was a little hesitant to consent since the play area was so crowded and it would be difficult to keep track of all three kids, but I agreed. The kids seemed to be having a blast as I tried to keep from being too anxious ( I always envision some stranger reaching over the low walls and grabbing one of the kiddies without being noticed). Suddenly I spotted some kid just beating away on the Spud, and my momma blood boiled over. I raced across the playground to confront the bully and realized that the kid hitting my son was also my son. Yep, the Beast apparently got annoyed with his little brother and had taken out his irritation by hitting him repeatedly. Embarrassed, I quickly gathered my charming little angels and herded them out of the playground.
I was not, however, to be deterred from my mission to have a good time at the mall with my kiddies. As their behavior improved, I promised the thirsty little ones a satisfying apple juice at Starbucks. At my favorite coffee place, I opened my purse to pay the barista and discovered a toy shoved into the side pocket. I recognized the toy from our stop at a store earlier - a toy we had definitely not paid for. After the Drama Queen fessed up to the crime, I loaded the Spud back into the stroller and marched the kids back to the store, where I made the Drama Queen return the toy and apologize to the manager, promising to never steal anything again. I hated doing that to her - she can be quite shy and was devastated to have to do that - but I wanted it to have enough impact to keep her from ever stealing again.
At this point, I considered packing up the kids and going home. Then I thought perhaps a quick stop into Barnes and Noble. The Beast and the Drama Queen preferred to go into their own corners and "read" books to themselves; so I sat with the Spud and read some of his favorites. Seeing the delight on his face made my day, and I finally felt ready to go home. As I called out to the Drama Queen and the Beast to come, I noted a peculiar odor coming from the Beast's corner. Upon closer inspection, I found that he had had a "pooplosion" (my term for explosive poop that runs down the legs and up the back). Apparently, he had tried to clean up his mess himself by using his hands and then wiping them on the walls of the bookstore. Oh joy! I desperately used the case of wipes in my purse to clean him and the walls up a little. I have not had to pack an extra outfit for the Beast for quite some time, and so I had no clothes for him. Once again, I packed up the kids and hurried to the nearest department store to buy a new outfit for the Beast. People gave us a wide berth - the smell was pretty bad! I purchased a shirt and shorts - the shirt fittingly said "I Do My Own Stunts". :) Then it was off to the closest bathroom to wash the boy down and change his clothes.
Yeah, it was definitely time to go home. I gathered the troops and wearily drove home in complete silence. As I tucked the last child in bed, the Drama Queen sleepily opened her eyes and said, "That was the bestest day ever, Momma. I love you."
So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to go to the mall that day!