So did you stop at the McDonald's drive-thru a few too many times this past week? Maybe yell at someone else's kid? Have another proud (or not so proud) parenting moment that you'd like to confess to (but really don't want to!)?
Ah, my friend, then come join me and the hoards of others seeking therapeutic relief by writing Not Me! posts, linking up here at MckMama's blog, and reading the results....
It was not me that dared to go to three different grocery stores, the post office, and Starbucks all in the same day with my three little rascals and sister in tow. Nope, I would never drag my sister through all those errands while she was in town visiting us. And I certainly did not expect her to pitch in with the diaper-changing and potty-visits...
It wasn't me smiling every time I heard the Beast call my sister "Momma" instead of "Aunt Missy." I wouldn't be that tickled that my sister and I are so much alike that even my own kid gets us mixed up. :)
On Wednesday night after church, I did not look at the extremely tall inflatable slide that our church had rented for VBS and think that you would never catch me sliding down that thing! And when the Beast begged and pleaded to go on said slide, I did not quickly convince hubby to go with him instead. And on his fourth trip on this slide, the Beast did not ask his Momma to go on the slide with him and use his incredibly charming good looks and sweet voice. I then did not try to finagle my way out of a potentially scary situation by asserting that coming down that slide would be immodest in my denim skirt. Of course I did not give in to the Beast. And if I had, I would not have taken twice as long as any of the other kids to climb the ladder and then scream like a little girl all the way down. I certainly would not have been out of breath for several seconds after such a descent, as I am in excellent physical shape.
On Thursday, we did not stay in our pajamas all day until we realized that we were experiencing an extreme emergency - we had run out of soda in the house. Both my sister and I of course did not begin to suffer from lack-of-caffeine-induced headaches, and I did not quickly get dressed just to run to the local Fred Meyer and buy some soda. If I had, we would not have spent the rest of the afternoon drinking our beloved sodas and making lasagna (my sister) and yellow cake with fudgy frosting (me). Because if I ever admit to that, I might have to share...
On Friday, we did indeed make a trip to the Oregon Zoo. We learned a lot about animals at this zoo, but I of course did not learn the following useful (or not!) facts at this zoo:
1) No person, under any circumstances, should ever wear white shorts without any underwear underneath. It's criminal really.
2) No girl, no matter how "hot" or attractive she may be, should ever cut her jeans off so much that a good inch or so of white pocket liner sticks out the bottom of her new "shorts." Classy it is not.
3) Do not leave your soda anywhere that the Beast may potentially grab it. Ever. This is imperative, for he will grasp at any opportunity to get a sip (or gulp!) of Coke.
4) Yelling your child's name in a busy hot outdoor area is pointless. Shouting "tow-head boy in blue shirt and brown shorts" is much more likely to get you the support of folks around you in stopping your wayward child.
5) A 30-pound child weighs about 60 pounds when he is tired. Seriously. I don't care if it's not scientific - them's just the facts, folks.
6) Those primates with the colorful behinds and big red noses? Those are called mandrills, as my 3 1/2 year old daughter informed me while "reading" the information plaque at the zoo. Seriously? Where does she learn this stuff?
7) When other people's children are climbing the zoo fences and your child attempts to do the same, calmly and loudly ask your child to "please don't climb the fences just because OTHER children are doing it" and then wait for the other people to discipline their children. That way you are not actually yelling at someone else's child. :)
Happy Not Me Monday, everyone!