Monday, June 13, 2011

Mommy Guilt ?

Running errands is not my favorite way to spend my day. And when I have the wonderful privilege of taking along three children (who cannot get along for just one second, thank you very much!), well, it just falls further and further down my list of least favorite things to do. Especially when those adorable children all initiate that whiny tone of voice and complain about everything - including but not limited to: my feet hurt, I'm tired of this store, why can't we get some candy, I want to look at the toys, she's looking at me, this is so boring...

So. When I do have to accomplish this most unpleasant task, afterwards I often feel the van pulling into a Starbucks drive-thru, as if led by some invisible magnet. Having survived an hour or two of whining and fighting, I most certainly deserve a reward, and most often I prefer my reward to be full of sugar and caffeine. We then head home with momma a much happier and calmer person, which is really good for everyone all around.

Recently, a friend asked me if I felt guilty about doing that. "Doing what?" I wondered, trying to decide what new slice of mommy guilt to add to my already burgeoning pie. "You know," she said. "Buying a drink for yourself and not getting the kids anything." Honestly, I had never thought about it. But now, the question was out there, and I considered it.

And here's my take: absolutely no! I think moms should be able to enjoy many treats that don't have to be shared with the offspring. (anyone else wait until their kids go to bed so that they can eat their favorite ice cream?!) Just because Momma is getting a treat, it certainly doesn't mean the kids all need (or deserve) a treat too. Beyond that, as a conscientious parent, I definitely will not reward whining or squabbling with a treat. My final reason? Starbucks is way too expensive to treat all the kids! *

What do you think? Should I feel guilty for not treating my kids when I treat myself?

*disclaimer: I have been known to very occasionally get a couple of chocolate milks with whipped cream for charming and deserving children on a trip to my favorite coffee shop. I am not a total ogre. :)


  1. I agree with you whole heartedly!!!!! And all of your reasons! The last two being the biggest! No rewards for being whiny and uncompliant. And yes SB is way too expensive for their tastes at that young age! My reward is Dunkin Donut Iced Coffee's - and I have been known to get a munchkin or two for my son - but only when he's being good and asks nicely. :)

  2. I agree with you, Jeanette! MANY times I go through the DD drive through WITHOUT getting Annaleigh a "yummy" (aka. a donut hole). (Which she will continuously say the moment she sees DDs and for a while after we drive away). I had thought about it, once, too. Should I feel bad? And no! I used to tell my students (as I'd munched on cheetos in the middle of class) that they will be able to do the same thing after they go to school for 4 years to get a degree...then they will have earned the "right" that I so happily am enjoying! haha!

    You are the adult and they are NOT. That's ALL the reason in the world you need. NO where in the Bible does it say, "thou must purchase 'yummies' for your children at every single drive-thru trip."

    Enjoy your drink. Guilt-free. (because I said so!)

  3. haha so thankful that is not in the Bible Michelle! :) thanks for the comments ladies and for reassuring me that I don't have to feel guilty!

  4. Nope, I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior. Or spending $4 on chocolate milk that isn't for me.

  5. No way! That's the same reason I don't get my kids mac n cheese at Panera bread-they love the boxed stuff so why pay an arm and a leg?! I think us mommies have too much guilt anyway!

  6. I am not a mom yet, but I totally agree. In regards to the getting yourself a treat and not your kids, I look at that as being RESPONSIBLE. Adults can manage their own diets, but kids only have their parents to do that for them. As adults we should only give our kids what they need! There is a reason why their is child obesity right now.


Help relieve some of my insanity by letting me know you stopped by!