Ahhh, I am sitting here with a (second) cup of coffee and reflecting on the events of the past week. Apparently it is time once again for that weekly therapy session in which I meticulously journal all the things I didn't do. Huh? If you are asking that, it is time for you to head over to MckMama's blog and learn all about this new and very cheap form of therapy. Before long, you too will be sharing with the world the incredible (nay I say unbelievable) things you did NOT do. Because of course you didn't allow your child to wear the same outfit three days in a row. And as Parent of the Year, you certainly did not bribe your children with Happy Meals to get them to behave at the grocery store. Oh no, not you! And thus begins my Not Me! Monday....
It certainly was not me that doused the Drama Queen and the Beast with sunscreen on Memorial Day and then unthinkingly do the same to the Spud, getting some in his eyes and causing my baby great pain. Not me! I would never do that as I am always careful to read the labels and use products accordingly. I did not then frantically try a million different ways to remedy the problem until the poor little guy, tuckered out from it all, finally went to sleep. And much later that day, I was not the one cheering fanatically when I realized that the Spud had managed to stand up all by himself. I did not breathe a sigh of relief that I had not permanently damaged my child with sunscreen. I also did not take an excessive amount of pictures of the event. (If I had, I would obviously be sharing them here with you, and I would definitely have the foresight to do my Not Me! post on the large computer with all the pictures, not my tiny netbook!)
On Tuesday, it was not me that put conditioner in my hair first and then shampoo. I did not then realize what I had done and apply conditioner again to my hair to remedy the problem, only to realize I had picked up the wrong bottle and had just used shampoo. Again. I did not stand there fuming as I ran out of hot water and think to myself that I must be the only idiot that has to "Lather, rinse, Repeat" so many times. Nope, not me!
On Thursday, I did not have the guts to take all three sweet little angels to the craft store by myself. And if I had, I certainly would not have found the Beast crouched in a corner of said store, emitting loud grunting sounds as he apparently filled his diaper. As a good mom, I did not stand there laughing hysterically at him and then drag him through the rest of the store to finish my errand BEFORE i changed his diaper. Even though his extra diaper was out in the van, I would never do that! Of course, I would run out to the van and immediately change him, regardless of the inconvenience. And later, when I took the kiddies to the pet store as a special treat, the Drama Queen did not beg and beg for a pet. And if she had, I would not have told her to ask her father. I am not a wimp - I can certainly stand up to my children's begging and pleading and would not defer them to dad on such an issue.
On Friday, I did not take my kids to a McDonalds with a PlayPlace for lunch. I certainly did not do this knowing that they had already had McDonalds that week. I was not the mom threatening her kids the whole way there that if they didn't stop whining, I was going to turn that van around and go home. (knowing full well that I wouldn't - the thought of a Big Mac and some peace and quiet was just too tempting!) At the PlayPlace, if the Drama Queen had asked me to go climb up to the top with her because she was too scared to do it by herself, I would have. And if I would have, I certainly wouldn't have panicked half-way up, realizing that no grown woman who has had three babies in three consecutive years would be able to fit through those tunnels, and then quickly climbed back down to the safe (and large!) ground. I did not then call up to my daughter, sying, "Mommy's right behind you! Keep going!" I would never never never lie to my child like that.
Well, there you have it. Just another list to make you realize that my parenting skills are indeed excellent. You don't have to worry - I've got this whole mommy thing in the bag!
But, if you've got a little "confessing" to do, head on over to Mckmama's and post about it, so I can see what you've not been up to...