I'm back from an exhausting yet exhilarating weekend in Washington at a Ladies' Conference there. I always look forward to this time of rejuvenating and hearing some incredible women of God share their hearts with us. Although there are always things in the sessions that convict my heart and put me on the road to being a better wife and mom, I also really enjoy the "girl time" I get with my friends. And I have to admit, a couple days away from the kiddies and the responsibilities are definitely a great bonus!
The past few months or so I have been really struggling, not with any particular failing as a Christian, but in being a very apathetic Christian. I was aware of it but chose to ignore it because "fixing it" was just too much work, and I honestly didn't really feel like addressing the issue. I still did my stint in children's church, church nursery, and various other ministries each month, but my Christian life was on auto pilot. I couldn't remember the last time I had had a real soul-searching prayer time with my God. I'm sure it would have been too convicting, so I didn't bother.
This weekend I was suddenly hit by it, like I had been punched in the stomach. It wasn't anything that the speakers said, although they had some great and wonderful truths to share. I could feel the Holy Spirit like I hadn't in a long time, and I was just itching to get out of those sessions and take care of the problem. Finally!
I don't know why I let myself slide backwards for so long. The peace and joy that comes from living for God in a close personal relationship with Him is so worth any "work" it may take to maintain that. I cried a lot this weekend and was blessed to have a good friend who cried and prayed with me.
How can I be a wonderful wife to my man if I am not seeking God daily? How can I expect my children to do right and have good hearts when my actions just barely disguise my distant heart? How can I expect God's blessings on my fledgling business when I refuse to encourage myself in His Word? Oh, how foolish I felt kneeling before Him and begging His divine forgiveness for my apathy in my walk with Him!
No one wants to admit that they are not on the right page when it comes to their Christian walk, but not only did I confess these faults to my ever-merciful Savior, but I confess them to you too, dear reader. It's a glimpse into my human and very imperfect nature. I ask that you pray for me as I continue on this journey of finding the fullness of joy in the Lord again, and encourage you to do the same.
I leave you with a quote from one of the conference speakers: "When God looks down on you each day, how much of Himself does He see in you?"